Making of... ME!

Hi, strangers & friends everywhere!

I guess in our 20s we are naively optimistic about how our lives will go. We study hard and try to fit in. Yet funny enough: who actually fits in anywhere? Aren't social bullshit rules (#brules) trying to control and detain us within the masses? What if it all doens't feel right? How long do we have to play along, only to realize decades later that it was basically all for nothing, really? At least it was mostly for someone else, some job or corporation, but not truly for you... Not until you figure out WHO YOU ARE. That is why we love the Heroe's journey, the underdog in all the movies, even popstars who finally break free and release music and art they truly love and have wanted to listen to and perform themselves. The media and mediocre people are schocked of course! Because we are trained and basically pressured by society to react that way to 'strangers' or 'outsiders'. And all we are is skin and bone, trained to get along, forever going with the flow. But you're friction... 

That's probably why some people close to you must fight against your evolutionary change, because change in general is scary to people. But change is also necessary and inevitable. Some people close to you might take offence in your ability to enjoy life despite the change, with its hardships and disappointments. Some people close to you might criticize you for not having enough ambition, when you embrace the change and know your truth in your heart. But also know this: the way you feel about you is what counts. And when you find someone to love the you You Love, WHEN YOU CHANGE, then that's just FABULOUS! In the end, we (hopefully) end up with the people, partner, family and friends who we are supposed to. There are just endless lessons in between. 

Life's lessons, life's big questions have lead me to think about my life more closely. What do I like and love? Who do I actually like and love? What seem to be my my priorities and biggest failures in choosing them? I've been down the Youtube rabbit hole and reading mindful pieces to now be able to say that there really aren't many actual failures in life. Of course some efforts may fail, we might think that our relationships fail when they don't lead to a "happily ever after" kind of ending. But really, in what way have you failed by this point? We are both still here, aren't we? So, I believe my point to be that even when we think we've failed, when we're feeling stupid, sad and mostly ashamed, it's all just a detour - life is trying to teach you the lesson you need to learn at that particular moment in time. 

I can honestly state that every 'no', detour and goodbye in my life have lead me to figure out myself and the impact I have (had) around me. I'm ready to face life's lessons head on and learn and evolve every step of the way. And so now, when I'm in my 30s, I still very much like to think I'm optimistic, an eternal optimist, who always believes in love (the right kind for me). I might have some bruises, but snakes and stones never broke my bones, so life goes on. And what you do with your life is honestly your business. I'm on the verge of including my life's lessons (so far), the reflection of a journey (so far) and the need for my creative calling to be part of my life's work. Because when you do something you love, you'll never 'work' a day in your life, right? Well, nevermind what some people might think about me, I honestly don't shy away from the work. I've just known for many years now, that I need the work I do to have meaning and a purpose. And for me, at this point, this all seems very meaningful, relevant and personal even, so I'm fully invested. 

The growth is what keeps me going. For me, the best way to grasp the whole point of life was to really think hard and focus on questions about how I want to live my life, and who I need to become in order to do so. Nothing is permanent, we're all sort of on loan, and I realized everything I have is some day going to be gone. Losing loved ones teaches you that lesson. The debth of the pain is most likely correlated in how attached you are, and if you are prepared and willing to accept it all no matter what comes your way. The circle of life has its own way. And maybe we are all smartes and wiser in hindsight, clearly, because experience, repetition and growth gives us perspective. And maybe the very best way to let things and people be is to let everyone grow into the best version of themselves in their own pace. 

I've certainly tried to learn to let go of high expectations, mostly toward myself really. But yes, I have to confess that of course I do expect things in life. Especially trust and loyalty between the people in my circle with whom I share my real life story with. A lesson I learned along the way was that I was sharing too much and that's on me. It's on you, too. You are the one who enables the critics and comments to cloud your feelings. It is not necessary. Not everyone deserves to know everything. 

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."
- Theodore Roosevelt

There are so many who would have never believed I would end up on this path. Most of them might not even accept the new me, because they don't (need to) understand. I shit you not when I say that I would have never believed it either. But now that I am going through all of this, I appreciate and embrace it fully! This leads me to appreciate and be most grateful for the people and friends who have eagerly listened, been supportive and have allowed me to fall many times over but have also been there when I've regained the strength and motivation to get back up and try again. In trying to find purpose and inspiration, I've listened to a hell of a lot of Taylor's music, Oprah's SuperSoul Sunday Conversations and found several new gurus to look up to. Thank you. 

The concept of KARMA is propably familiar to most of us, it's a sanskrit term meaning 'action' or 'doing'. And as it is never too late to be brand new, because you are not the things you did or didn't do in the past, I urge you to try to REIMAGINE YOUR KARMA. Be mindful, become aware of the things you think, say and DO. And finally, for me, I am most excited about what I am currently doing. At this very moment. I've always been a dreamer, I guess it's incorporated in my zodiac DNA but it really is essential to have dreams. Don't you dream impossible things? It is the wildest dreams that take us the furthest. So dare to dream & go after them all! 

xoxo,
Kiti Reimaa